Author’s Note:
This is an unedited, ongoing serial that may eventually be published in novel form. Plot/characters/elements are subject to change as it is being written. Read at your own discretion and take note of story tags below.
Genre: Historical Fantasy
Tags: general abuse, sex acts, age gap, bisexual, master/servant, angst, archaic terminology/style
We stared at each other for long enough that I found myself becoming uneasy, but I took a step towards him. It frustrated me that I could not read any intent in his eyes. Was he even truly glad I was returned? I took another small step that brought our noses nearly to touching. I felt my eyes would cross from the effort of holding his gaze.
“You will do anything I command?” I asked quietly.
“Of course, my lord.”
The ten-year-old boy inside me was aghast at my challenging nature—he wanted only to be taken up and comforted by the warrior who had loved him so simply and steadfastly. But the man I had become stood in the boy’s stead, trying vainly not to gulp in greedy breaths of Taden’s scent. We stood so close I could feel the warmth of his body in the air between us, and he smelled of smoke and leather, a scent so familiar that it made my heart ache and my resolve weaken. I had intended to order him to do something humbling to prove his obeisance to me—to prostrate himself or kiss my unshod foot—but my heart begged a different path.
“I command you to tell me the truth, no matter what I ask,” I said, allowing myself to turn away and break the steel grip of his gaze.
“Of course, my lord,” he repeated.
I hated the sound of those words. That he should make himself into a meek drudge, bowing and scraping to me as he had my father… I was embarrassed for him and I wanted an end to the charade, but the questions of the past needed to be answered as only a servant can answer his master. Or so it seemed to me. I turned to look at him again, to shrewdly judge the truth of his answer.
“Did you have any desire for me, last we saw each other? Tell me true, Taden.”
Taden’s eyes widened and his pale brow wrinkled at my question. I could see I had provoked shock, but… had I witnessed a moment of hesitation before the expression took hold of his features?
“Answer me.”
“You were a boy.”
“I was. And a boy with his pert backside wiggling over your lap… did that please you? My hands upon your face, my fingers on your lips, your mouth open to my touch—you say I was a boy, but these liberties you allowed me, were they truly for the sake of innocent, childish play?”
“Yes!” Taden replied immediately, his tone harsh and eyes like dagger points. Obviously, my words had disturbed him and I cannot say whether this brought me relief or disappointment. Perhaps both. I made my smile a little mocking and retreated from him another step, crossing my arms.
“You did not do it for the sake of your own pleasure?”
“No! Of course not,” Taden said. “I would never… my lord.” The title was hastily tacked on when he evidently remembered who he was speaking with. “It was only teasing play.” He looked down at the curled toes of his high black boots. Though his hair was worn in the same style it always had been, straight and sheared off at his jaw, it was no longer the dark slate it had once been—bright silver threaded through it now. In the dying sunlight it hung like shields of polished iron to either side of his face.
I lowered my voice, discarding the authority in it so he might speak plainly with me.
“Do I please you now?” My heart began pounding the instant I said the words. I’d pictured myself saying something similar, so many times, but the reality of the moment was even more frightening and exciting than I’d imagined.
Taden glanced up. “My lord?”
“If you dandled me on your lap now… would it be innocent still?” My breath was coming out in short puffs and my face felt warm.
Expression wary, Taden stared at me in silence.
“Come, sit, and we’ll see what happens.” I tried to summon the charming grin that seemed always to draw the fish to my hook like magic, but it felt diminished as he continued to glare at me.
“I can make it an order,” I warned, my impatience making me churlish. It was going all wrong, the moment fleeing from my control. For possibly the first time in my life, I had no idea how to take back the reins. I needed mending words, not this clumsy attempt to force him into the plot of my fantasies. “You loved me as a little boy… could you not let that love grow for the man I am today?”
“You’re a child still,” he said, his eyes on mine.
It was a slap in the face. “I am not a child!” I exclaimed, angered by the condescension I thought I could hear in his voice. “Do you know how many I’ve bedded? Does a child get his cocked sucked dry, morning and night?”
“I’m well aware of what you’ve been up to.” While his subservience had finally vanished as I’d wanted it to, I now wished it hadn’t. “You’re a spoiled little boy, Wulfsere. Your aunt and uncle were far too lenient with you, letting you run around like a barkhorse in rut, embarrassing yourself—”
“Embarrassing myself? It’s you who should be embarrassed. A man past his prime, a broken-down old warrior reduced to a lowly servant. Have you no pride?”
Taden’s spine stiffened at my outburst and I saw his nostrils widen as he took a few deep breaths. I couldn’t help but remember how I used to place my finger on the tip of his nose to rest on that small divot. I felt like everything was broken and wrong… and it was his fault. Or was it mine?
With gaze and voice softened, Taden said, “Wulfie, my life is yours. I will gladly protect and serve you, as I did your father. I’m proud to do so.”
“Then keep your eyes down and don’t presume to speak to me so.”
“Yes, my lord.” Taden stared down once more at his boots, hands clasped in front of him.
His calling me by my childhood nickname only stoked my indignation… yet… I turned my back to him, not wanting him to see the bitter tears that were threatening.
“Leave me. And don’t come back until I’ve summoned you.”
There was a moment of silence before he replied, and I could feel his bewilderment. He had slept on the small cot in my father’s room for twenty years, if not more, and now I was banishing him.
“Yes, my lord,” he said quietly. I heard the door close and I fell forward onto the bed, covering my head with a pillow. I felt honestly ashamed of how I’d acted and dreaded our next encounter. I wanted to run to him, beg him for forgiveness, but that would mean admitting that he was right about me. And he wasn’t.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid…” I muttered into the blankets. How am I to undo what I did? Maybe I shouldn’t try. Maybe it’s for the best. Why should I care? Gods, he looked fit and handsome… I thought. Just as I’d remembered him, with his battle scars crisscrossing his alluringly unbearded face, his broad shoulders and long-fingered hands. I groaned and turned onto my back, staring at the painted ceiling. It was a scene from history. Something about an improbable harvest or maybe a drought—I couldn’t remember the details. I probably hadn’t been paying attention in my lessons that day, though when had I ever? Sighing, I sat up and eyed the cot next to the great bed, with its unadorned grey blanket and small pillow, my thoughts returning to Taden. I knew I couldn’t very well avoid the man forever, he was my body servant after all.
I decided to let a few days slip by before calling him to my side again. No need to say anything about what had transpired—perhaps he’d attribute my behaviour to travel weariness.
Satisfied with my decision, I stood and straightened my clothes, turning my mind to a more pressing matter. I opened the door to my chambers and peeked out into the hallway, hoping that Taden hadn’t defied me by staying close by. When I saw it was empty, I began wandering the corridors.
On my second circuit of the upper east wing, I found what I was looking for. Two tapermaids were starting to light the long line of candles in the darkening gloom. When they saw me, they stopped and bowed very low.
“No need for that,” I said in a gentle voice. “Rise. Let me see you.”
Nervously, the two young ladies straightened. One was a lowland girl with blond hair and pink cheeks, the other black-haired with skin even darker than my own.
“Oh my. What a pair of beauties you are.”
The tapermaids shared a glance, giggling timidly before dropping into brief curtsies.
“Thank you, milord.”
My gaze settled on the blonde first, then her raven-haired friend.
“Now, I have a little request: could one of you accompany me to my rooms? Your lord has a… uh… very large candle that he can’t handle on his own… it needs the attention of someone who has experience handling such things.” I grinned. “Which one of you would like to help me, hm?” I reached out and gently pinched the blonde’s chin. “Will it be you, my dear?” She blushed and giggled again, music to my ears. “Or, shall it be you, my darling?” I said, taking the other young woman’s hand to bestow a kiss upon her dimpled knuckles. “Or… perhaps the both of you would like to come with me?” I raised an eyebrow. “Would you like to help your lord? Hm?”
“Yes, milord,” they both said with an eagerness that excited me. What a perfect distraction they were.
“Oh good,” I replied. “Come with me, my beloveds… let us go see to this problem…”
“What about thar candles inny hallway, milord?” the dark-haired woman asked timidly.
“They can wait. I am your lord, and your lord’s needs cannot wait.”
“Yes, milord.”