Every once in a while, I'm overwhelmed by a "what the fuck am I doing?" sort of moment. It goes a little like:
I'm not a writer, I'm a painter... or a computer tech... or a web designer... or a manager... or or or... shit, what am I doing writing? I don't know how to write... Am I going to keep writing? Is there a point to it? Is it a medical symptom? Have I gone mad? Should I go get an astrophysics degree instead?
Then I sit down and read a few chapters of something I wrote, smile, thank my characters, and get back to business.
It's not so much a lack of confidence thing... more like I am literally trying to figure out how suddenly I've become a writer. It feels weirdly surreal at times. Last week was my two year anniversary and I think it spooked me some. How can it be two years already? What I figured was going to be a hobby that I'd abandon after a few books has turned into a real thing that I do almost every day. I'm certainly not making a living off of it. Not yet. But... it's not nothing.
Anyway - so I've hit the 70k mark on Kestrel's Talon after being a touch spooked and overwhelmed and uncharacteristically concerned about whether people would care for it at all. Thankfully, my brain's gone back to normal and the words are flowing again with me as their target audience (though I do hope at least one other person will enjoy it!). The worst part (ie. hard to write bits) is behind me. The next 50k should be smooth sailing. I'm excited. I'm tempted to release the soundtrack before the book, but I'll wait at least a few weeks until I know for sure I don't need another song. I'm also going to do a few more cover ideas for it... if you've signed up for my newsletter, you'll be able to vote next month on your favourite and help me choose :)