Who me?

I'm ridiculously bad at talking about myself. I am. Always have been. I'm much better at sculpting a conversation... turning it into an interesting discussion on philosophy, religion, art, or science.

I am also good at making people talk about themselves. I'm a good listener. I keep secrets. I give brutally honest advice.

But about me? I feel like there's not much to say. I'm just... me. I do my things.

Was talking to an old friend yesterday who happens to be a writer. They asked me about my writing. Cue my scrabbling to find the right words to explain just the gist.

I look like I'm in pain when I'm trying to explain what I do and quickly manage to shift the conversation to another topic.

Phew.

Am I embarrassed by what I write? Not at all. I think it's great. I just don't have the language to talk about it.

Writing is an intensely personal thing, more so than painting ever was... and I need to learn to write about writing.

 

Baltsaros and Jon

Baltsaros & Jon
Baltsaros & Jon

My Head

People always want to get inside my head. Women more than men, but they both say the same sorts of things:
"What's going on in your head?"
"I want to see what you see."
"Can I take a look inside your brain."
"Give me a look into your mind..."

Went out the other night with friends to pub quiz. Got asked a variation of the above by a slightly-drunken S.
B: Why does everyone want to see inside my head?
S: Because! I need to know...
M: Ohhh that's not a great idea. First off there are far too many walls in there. Then, if you do manage to get in, you'll never make it out alive. You'll stay trapped in there. Forever.

I like my friends.

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My head is in a slightly weird place these days. I was planning on continuing with Sword but Stripped, the third book of the Baal's Heart trilogy, wouldn't let me go so I started writing that instead. I'm about a chapter in and so far so good.  However, the weather's been fucking with my sinuses again so I've got a headache half the time which sucks.

It took me 82 days to write Caged. Sacrificed took me 173 days to write. I wonder how long Stripped will take me? When I wrote Caged, it was the only thing I was working on. I had two other projects on the go during the time I was writing Sacrificed. This time around... oh I have too many projects competing in my head. I should really focus on one thing at a time.

 

 

Locke

Got my copy of Locke in the mail the other day. Great fucking movie.

Hardy as Ivan Locke
Hardy as Ivan Locke

Fan Mail Wednesday – picture-post edition.

Welcome to another round of fan mail Wednesday!

I just received what is probably one of the oddest questions so far, so I thought I'd turn my answer into a blog post.

Ann writes: You probably get asked what you actually look like all the time so I will ask a different question. What do you smell like?

 

Hi Ann!  What do I smell like? Hmm. Well, most of the time I smell like:

mitchum

and:

bumble-bumble-sumotech

and:

Christian-Dior-Fahrenheit-Mens-1.7-ounce-Eau-De-Toilette-Spray-L12989627

and, if I'm being honest, probably a little of:

Photo 2014-07-15, 9 27 20 AM

 

Thank you for writing to me, Ann! I love random emails.  I'm glad you enjoyed Caged.

High School was a Blast

I recently got an invite to my twenty-year high school reunion.

Twenty.

Twenty fucking years.

Jesus.

So, since high school has been on my mind for the past few days, I figured I might as well write a post about it.

I liked high school. I think I might have actually loved it a little. Yes, you heard me right.

The actual lessons were always easy. I'm intelligent and a quick study; I was in a special program where I did intensive science classes for the last three years (bio-chem, intro genetics, college-level physics and gen chem), and I was tutoring advanced math.  My English classes were largely Latin courses and Shakespeare.  I was my art teacher's favourite student. I was on the honour roll. I won a bunch of awards at graduation.

I also held the record for the most absences in a year. Two years in a row. I was constantly in detention... mostly for creating mayhem. I was suspended. I was put on academic probation. I had to see a guidance counsellor twice a week for the last two years of school. Why? Because all my report cards said approximately the same thing:

Brilliant student when motivated. Does not play well with others.

When watching The Breakfast Club, someone asked me who I was in high school, I said: "Why do I have to pick?"

Death metal t-shirts, ripped jeans one day. Three-piece pinstripe suit the next. In the chess club and on the yearbook team. Organizer of fights off school property where I also acted as bookie. Was nominated to position of Peer Counsellor* for my grade and interviewed by a newspaper. Chronic stoner that helped to run acid and hash through the school.

I was suspended and forced to come into school over a holiday once, but the principal gave me the keys to the school so I could go work in the dark room instead of sitting in her office.

I wasn't popular, no, but I got along with a lot of people.

I was either a teacher's favourite student or their worst nightmare.

I got away with so much shit.

I had fun.

I tend not to remember the bad parts.

It was a time when I had no responsibility other than getting my school work done... the rest of the time was a barrel of laughs. So many good memories.

Getting stoned and skipping class to trip in the woods where I told ghost stories.

Hanging out with my friends, smoking our cigarettes, thinking were were all that.

All the art projects... plus getting really stoned and watching The Wall in art class.

Drunken school dances with furtive fondling.

 

But... am I going to my reunion?

No. I'm not interested. I'd like to leave the happy memories where they are... anyone that I wanted to stay in contact with, I have on Facebook. I don't get off on talking about work, kids, diseases, mortgages. And, while I got a little nostalgic writing this post, I'm also not one for talking about the Good Old Days™. I'm still right in the middle of them...

 

 

 

High school was a blast though.

 


 

*where I used my powers to pull students out of class to snag a friend of mine so we could go to my place and get so high on hash that I lay on my bed and came hands-free. Then was promptly sick.

Tears

I don't cry a lot. In fact, I can't remember the last time it happened. I can think of one time, and that was nearly three years ago.

I don't like crying. Some say it's catharsis. To me, it's just a stuffy nose and a slight headache if it goes on a bit. I have other ways of relieving tension.

I have an ex who used to argue that I was heartless because I don't find certain movies sad.

Just today I was talking to someone about how I don't like endings, so here are four movies I can't watch the end of for fear that they'll make me cry... because it happened before:

1. Brokeback Mountain - watched late at night at the office along with too much to drink. Cried like a baby.

2. Terminator 2 - need I say more?

3. Armageddon - ok, I may have daddy issues.

4. Dances with Wolves - Ugh. Two Socks.

I watch these but turn them off before the Bad Things happen. Cowardly or just avoiding a stuffy nose? Take your pick.

What movies make you cry?

 

Rustin Cohle

New portrait of Rust from True Detective. A long time planning.

Matthew McConaughey as Rustin Cohle
Matthew McConaughey as Rustin Cohle

These books I read

I used to read a lot, back before the writing bug bit me last summer. I would devour books, one after the other in quick succession. Sometimes up to 200 or so books a year.

This year, I think I've read three books so far.  I'm currently reading Existence by David Brin, which I am greatly enjoying, but it's been weeks and I'm only at 10%. I think the only time I read is when I'm in the loo.

What did I use to read, you ask? Well... let me tell you! Wait. It might be easier to tell you what I don't normally read.

First off, I don't really read romance. I've been told on many occasions that I don't have a romantic bone in my body. I don't know if that's true or not, but I just don't get 99% of romance in non-romance books, so an entire book of romance would be lost on me, I think.

I also don't read erotica. I have a book somewhere in my collection that is pure smut. I think it's called Pick Up/Picked up, written in the 70's or 80's, and it's about a guy with a 12 inch cock. I found it in my grandmother's library when I was ten - I figure it belonged to my uncle when he was living there. Anyway... that was good for a few years, and so were the stories in my dad's Penthouses. But then I started having sex... and then the internet happened, and, well, words just didn't do it for me anymore.

(Porn. Porn does it for me. I'm very visual.)

I don't read YA. Twilight is YA right? I know that Hunger Games is (...right?). I didn't really like either. Though, I also have a hard time identifying with books written from a female perspective, and I think both of these were (...right? Sorry -  I really don't know/remember much about either).

(And... what the hell is NA?)

I read everything else. On the very top of that huge list of genres are: Sci-fi, fantasy, distopian, and KGB/CIA/military/conspiracy books.

Some of my favourite books?

  • Eisenhorn by Dan Abnett (and pretty much everything else I've read from him has been pretty fucking awesome)
  • The Charm School by Nelson DeMille (almost anything he writes floats my boat, but this one's my favourite. Up Country is my second)
  • The Lions of Al-Rassan by Guy Gavriel Kay
  • Cry to Heaven by Anne Rice (I know I said above that I don’t really do romance, but I have a thing for opera and the history of the castrati... and the relationship between Tonio and Guido hit something in me. I also rather enjoyed some of her vampire books.)
  • Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by HST

Apart from books, I read medical journals. It's a weird hobby that started years ago when I started researching torture techniques used during the Inquisition.  I'm absolutely fascinated by medical procedures, both ancient and new. I've also got a thing for genetic disorders and extreme body modification.

Maybe once I finish Spires, and Sword... and the third book in Baal's Heart I'll get back to reading? Maybe?

On pain, injury, and recovery… and how I’m an idiot.

I tend to put my characters through some really tough scrapes that they have to recover from so I thought I'd share some of my own experience with injury and recovery... I have nearly died from the result of injury or illness more times than I can count on both hands, but I'll only touch on injury and leave illness to another time. 

I grew up in a family of superheroes when it comes to injury and recovery. Last year my dad nearly cut off his toes while cutting out rotten flooring in the boat. Bleeding everywhere, he laughed and took out a beer to drink before making his way to the emergency room to get stitched up. That's just the way my dad is.

When watching movies with my dad and brother, we tend to mutter things at the screen like: "Oh for fuck's sake... It's only a broken arm! Just splint that fucker and quit your whining!"

My brother and I both wound up with boxer's fractures (both fifth metacarpal). He laughed when the bone was reset. Me? I cut my cast off after three days because I had to take an exam and didn't want to reschedule (see, that wasn't exactly smart... I have a hard time opening jars with my right hand now).

It hurt, but it didn't hurt.

I've been hurt loads of times:

- When I sprained my back about ten years ago, the doctor couldn't understand how I had walked there.
- I'm pretty sure I broke my radius when I was seven years old but, because I wasn't crying enough, my mother didn't believe me, and I never went to the doctor.
- I severely bruised three ribs, but I went out clubbing the next night.
- I had major surgery a few years ago, and I was on my feet within hours.
- I've run on sprained ankles, I've hit my head so hard my skull is now dented, etc.

I tend to just brush off pain.

There is, however, one exception: luxating patellas aka "trick knees"

I am loose-jointed. What that means is that my limbs all hyperextend to a certain amount. It's a genetic thing, and it means I'm really flexible (oh yeah). It also means that my kneecaps are a little loose. There are exercises that I'm supposed to do to get the muscles to help keep my kneecaps from slipping... but they don't always work.

When you dislocate your knee it hurts like hell. I've done it three times now.

The joys of getting older is that you don't heal as fast, so the last time I dislocated my left knee (the trickier of the two) took nearly three months to heal properly. It actually still hurts.... I should probably see a doctor at some point.

Because I'm an idiot, and I should take better care of myself. Right?

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Wondering which retailer pays me the most?

#1 is Payhip. Not a retailer, but an online shop that I've set up myself. This is where I make the most return on my books.

Then after that it gets a little complicated, but these are the three best choices:

At Eden Books*, I make 70% royalties for all titles.

At Smashwords, I make 60% royalties for all titles.

At Amazon, for books OVER $2.99 (USD) I make 70% royalties and for books UNDER $2.99 I make 35%

So... if the book is under $2.99, buy from Eden Books or Smashwords.

If the books is over $2.99, buy from Eden Books or Amazon.

But best of all, buy from my Payhip store :)

Questions? Contact Me!

*Not all my titles are available at Eden yet as of 25/09/23 - I'm working on it.

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