{"id":977,"date":"2015-02-28T14:38:30","date_gmt":"2015-02-28T19:38:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beydeckard.com\/blog\/?p=977"},"modified":"2015-02-28T17:22:29","modified_gmt":"2015-02-28T22:22:29","slug":"the-lone-fools-lament","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/the-lone-fools-lament\/","title":{"rendered":"The Lone Fool&#8217;s Lament"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>If there was any doubt whether there exists a beating heart in this chest, the wretched pain you see in me from watching you fall in love should be enough to prove otherwise. Like a clumsy moth you beat against the meagre flame that is my soul and leave your dust inside me\u2014it pollutes me.<\/p>\n<p>You know... I can<em> feel<\/em> you.<\/p>\n<p>Every motion, every eye blink and intake of breath turned into a game of mirrors with your shadow mimicking mine. Alas, when I look, chancing to catch those bright chameleon eyes, your head turns away.<\/p>\n<p>It cannot be both. You are mine, or you are not.<\/p>\n<p>I call myself too good to play this fucking game of yours, yet here I sit, the caustic fool putting pen to paper in the twisted parody of a love letter.<\/p>\n<p>Oh, that my words were spikes I could drive deep to carve my name onto your bones. Instead, I dull their sharp edges on my own flesh and sit here a wounded thing, unable even to rail at the villainous treason of my own heart.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If there was any doubt whether there exists a beating heart in this chest, the wretched pain you see in me from watching you fall in love should be enough to prove otherwise. Like a clumsy moth you beat against the meagre flame that is my soul and leave your dust inside me\u2014it pollutes me. You know&#8230; I can feel you. Every motion, every eye blink and intake of breath turned into a game of mirrors with your shadow mimicking mine. Alas, when I look, chancing to catch those bright chameleon eyes, your head turns away. It cannot be both. &#8230; <\/p>\n<p class=\"read-more-container\"><a title=\"The Lone Fool&#8217;s Lament\" class=\"read-more button\" href=\"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/the-lone-fools-lament\/#more-977\" aria-label=\"Read more about The Lone Fool&#8217;s Lament\">Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":979,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"generate_page_header":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[72],"tags":[83,84,215,260],"class_list":["post-977","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-beys-tales-writing-2","tag-pain","tag-poem","tag-psychic-overflow","tag-terrible-love"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/attic.jpg?fit=626%2C396&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4sexs-fL","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1482,"url":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/tears-in-the-rain\/","url_meta":{"origin":977,"position":0},"title":"Tears","author":"Bey","date":"December 27, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Every time I close my eyesI see you crying in the pouring rain.All I want is to kiss your lipsAnd warm your hands in mine;Give you my shoulderAnd hold your pain at bay.But neither of us is strong enough,Nor weak enough to try.So you sit in the rainWith your tearsAnd\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Bey's Tales&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Bey's Tales","link":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/category\/writing-2\/beys-tales-writing-2\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/coat-t.png?fit=800%2C317&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/coat-t.png?fit=800%2C317&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/coat-t.png?fit=800%2C317&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/coat-t.png?fit=800%2C317&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":393,"url":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/on-pain-injury-and-recovery-and-how-im-an-idiot\/","url_meta":{"origin":977,"position":1},"title":"On pain, injury, and recovery&#8230; and how I&#8217;m an idiot.","author":"Bey","date":"July 4, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"I\u00a0tend to put my characters through some really tough scrapes that they have to recover from so I thought I'd share some of my own experience with injury and recovery...\u00a0I have nearly died from the result of injury or illness more times than I can count on both hands, but\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;My Life&quot;","block_context":{"text":"My Life","link":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/category\/my-life\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/07\/male-nurse.jpg?fit=425%2C282&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1965,"url":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/what-goes-into-a-story\/","url_meta":{"origin":977,"position":2},"title":"What goes into a story?","author":"Bey","date":"July 26, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"One thing that I get asked a lot, vis-\u00e0-vis my writing, is \"how do you come up with everything?\" So, I thought I'd write a blog post about what goes into my stories.The short answer is: everything.I like to write things I know, so I tend to borrow heavily from\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;My Life&quot;","block_context":{"text":"My Life","link":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/category\/my-life\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"WhatGoesIn","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/WhatGoesIn.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/WhatGoesIn.png?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/WhatGoesIn.png?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1215,"url":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/and-now-were-gone-gone-gone\/","url_meta":{"origin":977,"position":3},"title":"And now we&#8217;re gone, gone, gone&#8230;","author":"Bey","date":"July 9, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Eyes on mine in the dark; hand outstretched.C'mere, love.I press my face into the hollow of your shoulder;Respite. Sanctuary. A place to hide.I'm here now.You feel like a promise kept, like a tearful smile,And I can finally drift away.","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Bey's Tales&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Bey's Tales","link":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/category\/writing-2\/beys-tales-writing-2\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/cup-broken.jpg?fit=512%2C290&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1107,"url":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/damned-dreams\/","url_meta":{"origin":977,"position":4},"title":"Damned Dreams","author":"Bey","date":"May 4, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Whiskey-burn kisses Fuel the hurt in your eyes. Can't stop it, can you? The fear, the hate, the self-loathing; You mark my skin with the bruises No one can see under yours.","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Bey's Tales&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Bey's Tales","link":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/category\/writing-2\/beys-tales-writing-2\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/cup-broken.jpg?fit=512%2C290&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":495,"url":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/i-am\/","url_meta":{"origin":977,"position":5},"title":"I am","author":"Bey","date":"August 20, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"A\u00a0liminal space where pain courts fear, and pleasure\u00a0flirts with madness. I am nothing. I am yours. Whittled down to a single need,\u00a0I\u00a0feel what you want me to feel. I am lost. I am found.","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Writing&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Writing","link":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/category\/writing-2\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/977","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=977"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/977\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":982,"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/977\/revisions\/982"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/979"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=977"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=977"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=977"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}