{"id":1627,"date":"2016-03-18T23:41:31","date_gmt":"2016-03-19T03:41:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beydeckard.com\/blog\/?p=1627"},"modified":"2016-03-18T23:41:31","modified_gmt":"2016-03-19T03:41:31","slug":"bottom-of-my-heart","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/bottom-of-my-heart\/","title":{"rendered":"Bottom of My Heart"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Je t'aime<\/i>.\"
\"What does that mean?\"
\"It means I love you<\/i>.\"
\"No... No, you don't.\"
\"I do<\/i>.\"
\"You're just upset because he's seeing someone else. Call me when you start thinking with your dick again.\"
\"God... you're an asshole<\/i>.\"
\"See, that's better. Yes. I am an asshole. Now go peddle your love somewhere else... I don't want it.\"
\"Christ<\/i>.\"
\"You're crying? That's it...\"
\"Don't hang up! Please? Ok? Ok? I've stopped<\/i>.\"
\"I don't need this.\"
\"But... Listen... I thought you and I were<\/i>\u2014\"
\"No.\"
\"But I thought<\/i>\u2014\"
\"No.\"
\"Do you enjoy hurting me<\/i>?\"
\"I don't care one way or the other.\"
\"Jesus... Why do you have to say that? Don't you know what it feels like to have your heart crapped all over?<\/i>\"
\"Actually... I don't. No one's been able to find mine.\"
\"Oh<\/i>.\"
There was a long pause where he could hear sniffling and hitched breathing on the other end. Closing his eyes, he let out a sigh and rubbed his forehead.
\"Ok. Listen... Stop fucking crying. Get some sleep. Take a day to get your head on straight. Then we'll talk.\"
\"Can I come over<\/i>?\"
\"Maybe tomorrow.\"
\"Tonight<\/i>?\"
\"What the fuck did I just say?\"
\"Ok. Ok. I'm sorry<\/i>.\"
\"I don't want you to be sorry. I want you to stop crying and pay attention to my words so I don't have to repeat myself.\"
\"I will. I promise<\/i>.\"
\"Now go to bed like a good boy.\"
\"I will. Then we'll talk tomorrow<\/i>?\"
\"Then we'll talk, yes... But, if you ever want your dick anywhere near my ass again, leave the 'I love you' crap out of it.\"
\"Ok. I promise<\/i>.\"
\"Good.\"
He hung up, lit another cigarette, and ducked out the window to the fire escape. The night breeze was cool on his bare chest and he smiled as he stood watching the twinkling city lights below.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“Je t’aime.””What does that mean?””It means I love you.””No… No, you don’t.””I do.””You’re just upset because he’s seeing someone else. Call me when you start thinking with your dick again.””God… you’re an asshole.””See, that’s better. Yes. I am an asshole. Now go peddle your love somewhere else… I don’t want it.””Christ.””You’re crying? That’s it…””Don’t hang up! Please? Ok? Ok? I’ve stopped.””I don’t need this.””But… Listen… I thought you and I were\u2014””No.””But I thought\u2014””No.””Do you enjoy hurting me?””I don’t care one way or the other.””Jesus… Why do you have to say that? Don’t you know what it feels like to have … <\/p>\n

Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1350,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"generate_page_header":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[72],"tags":[450,449,126,91],"class_list":["post-1627","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-beys-tales-writing-2","tag-abuse","tag-dialogue","tag-fiction","tag-random"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/background-city.jpg?fit=1200%2C798&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4sexs-qf","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1997,"url":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/sessions-update\/","url_meta":{"origin":1627,"position":0},"title":"Sessions update.","author":"Bey","date":"August 4, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"So, it looks like I'm an asshole and did the newest update to Sessions with Max as a page and not a post, so it didn't wind up on my blog or sent to my author page or Goodreads, and all that good stuff.Sorry.Anyway....Sessions with Max #4 is live. 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Naked except for my socks and jock, I was blindfolded and tied to a chair in my living room.I licked my lips and swallowed a few times trying\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Announcements"","block_context":{"text":"Announcements","link":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/category\/announcements\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/11\/16393742._SY540_.jpg?fit=323%2C540&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1083,"url":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/rice-is-nice\/","url_meta":{"origin":1627,"position":2},"title":"Rice is Nice","author":"Bey","date":"April 25, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"David reached for the old black switch with the cracked faceplate and flipped it up. The fluorescent lights below flickered on with a soft hum, but over that he thought he could hear the sounds of breathing. Descending the worn wooden steps slowly, David took his time, savouring the anticipation.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Bey's Tales"","block_context":{"text":"Bey's Tales","link":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/category\/writing-2\/beys-tales-writing-2\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/chained-boy-edit.jpg?fit=1000%2C685&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/chained-boy-edit.jpg?fit=1000%2C685&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/chained-boy-edit.jpg?fit=1000%2C685&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/chained-boy-edit.jpg?fit=1000%2C685&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":5067,"url":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/and-now-for-something-completely-different\/","url_meta":{"origin":1627,"position":3},"title":"And now for something completely different…","author":"Bey","date":"February 6, 2023","format":false,"excerpt":"Now that Max, the Sequel is off, it's time to focus on the next thing, what hey? That something is My Roommate, Kevin. Here's the first chapter. I'll be posting more chapters for silver subscribers. :) (\u261e Continued here) Chapter 1 \u2013 The Stranger\u201cHi. I\u2019m here about the room.\u201d I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Book Updates"","block_context":{"text":"Book Updates","link":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/category\/book-updates\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/my-roommate-kevin.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/my-roommate-kevin.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/my-roommate-kevin.png?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1136,"url":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/interview-with-captain-baltsaros-hop-against-homophobia-bi-and-transphobia-2015\/","url_meta":{"origin":1627,"position":4},"title":"Interview with Captain Baltsaros – Hop Against Homophobia, Bi- and Transphobia 2015","author":"Bey","date":"May 17, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"May 17th is the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia - http:\/\/dayagainsthomophobia.org\/ and I am participating in the HAHBT! I'm lucky to live in a country where same-sex marriage has been legal for over a decade. I'm lucky to live in a city where a rainbow flag hangs in\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "My Life"","block_context":{"text":"My Life","link":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/category\/my-life\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"HAHABT 2015","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/HAHABT-2015-223x300.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3754,"url":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/the-wanderer-part-fourteen\/","url_meta":{"origin":1627,"position":5},"title":"The Wanderer – Part Fourteen","author":"Bey","date":"April 26, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Apple is no longer straddling my lap\u2014we\u2019re sitting side by side on the bed watching Pytre as he slowly undresses in front of us. He\u2019s keeping his eyes averted and his cheeks are so red they\u2019re almost burgundy. After painstakingly folding his shirt, he places it on the other bed\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Bey's Tales"","block_context":{"text":"Bey's Tales","link":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/category\/writing-2\/beys-tales-writing-2\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/W14.png?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/W14.png?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/W14.png?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/W14.png?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/W14.png?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1627","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1627"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1627\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1628,"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1627\/revisions\/1628"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1350"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1627"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1627"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1627"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}