{"id":1595,"date":"2016-02-18T20:04:41","date_gmt":"2016-02-19T01:04:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beydeckard.com\/blog\/?p=1595"},"modified":"2016-02-18T20:04:41","modified_gmt":"2016-02-19T01:04:41","slug":"what-am-i-doing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/what-am-i-doing\/","title":{"rendered":"WHAT AM I DOING?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Every once in a while, I'm overwhelmed by a \"what the fuck am I doing?\" sort of moment. It goes a little like:<\/p>\n<p><em>I'm not a writer, I'm a painter... or a computer tech... or a web designer... or a manager... or or or... shit, what <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">am<\/span> I doing writing?\u00a0 I don't know how to write... Am I going to keep writing? Is there a point to it? Is it a medical symptom? Have I gone mad? Should I go get an astrophysics degree instead?<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Then I sit down and read a few chapters of something I wrote, smile, thank my characters, and get back to business.<\/p>\n<p>It's not so much a lack of confidence thing... more like I am <em>literally<\/em> trying to figure out how suddenly I've become a writer. It feels weirdly surreal at times. Last week was my two year anniversary and I think it spooked me some. How can it be two years already? What I figured was going to be a hobby that I'd abandon after a few books has turned into a real thing that I do almost every day. I'm certainly not making a living off of it. Not yet. But... it's not nothing.<\/p>\n<p>Anyway - so I've hit the 70k mark on <em>Kestrel's Talon <\/em>after being a touch spooked and overwhelmed and uncharacteristically concerned about whether people would care for it at all. Thankfully, my brain's gone back to normal and the words are flowing again with me as their target audience (though I do hope at least one other person will enjoy it!). The worst part (ie. hard to write bits) is behind me. The next 50k should be smooth sailing. I'm excited. I'm tempted to release the soundtrack before the book, but I'll wait at least a few weeks until I know for sure I don't need another song. I'm also going to do a few more cover ideas for it... if you've signed up for my newsletter, you'll be able to vote next month on your favourite and help me choose :)<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Every once in a while, I&#8217;m overwhelmed by a &#8220;what the fuck am I doing?&#8221; sort of moment. It goes a little like: I&#8217;m not a writer, I&#8217;m a painter&#8230; or a computer tech&#8230; or a web designer&#8230; or a manager&#8230; or or or&#8230; shit, what am I doing writing?\u00a0 I don&#8217;t know how to write&#8230; Am I going to keep writing? Is there a point to it? Is it a medical symptom? Have I gone mad? Should I go get an astrophysics degree instead? Then I sit down and read a few chapters of something I wrote, smile, thank &#8230; <\/p>\n<p class=\"read-more-container\"><a title=\"WHAT AM I DOING?\" class=\"read-more button\" href=\"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/what-am-i-doing\/#more-1595\" aria-label=\"Read more about WHAT AM I DOING?\">Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1561,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"generate_page_header":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[440],"tags":[444,80,442,441,443,10],"class_list":["post-1595","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-kestrels-talon","tag-astrophysics","tag-author","tag-eep","tag-kestrels-talon","tag-newsletter","tag-writing"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/books-print.jpg?fit=2015%2C2448&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4sexs-pJ","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2079,"url":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/kestrels-talon-now-available-at-smashwords-are-and-others\/","url_meta":{"origin":1595,"position":0},"title":"Kestrel&#8217;s Talon &#8211; Now Available at Smashwords, ARe, and others","author":"Bey","date":"August 21, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"February 19, 2017 update: Kestrel's Talon is back in Kindle Unlimited which means it's once again exclusive to Amazon. Buy at Amazon (paperback and kindle version) Kestrel's Talon is no longer exclusive to Amazon! You can now: Buy it at ARe (epub, mobi, pdf) Buy it at Smashwords (epub) Buy\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;My Life&quot;","block_context":{"text":"My Life","link":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/category\/my-life\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Kestrel's Talon","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/cover-600px-200x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1707,"url":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/kestrels-talon-out-now\/","url_meta":{"origin":1595,"position":1},"title":"Kestrel&#8217;s Talon &#8211; Out now!","author":"Bey","date":"May 23, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Happy release day to me! (woo!)Kestrel's Talon is the first book in a new fantasy series, The Stonewatchers. I'm looking forward to introducing you to these guys... but it's impossible to say much about the story without spoiling it.\u00a0 So... I'll just say that if you enjoyed the Baal's Heart\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Kestrel's Talon&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Kestrel's Talon","link":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/category\/book-updates\/kestrels-talon\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Kestrel's Talon","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/cover-600px-200x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1690,"url":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/cover-reveal-kestrels-talon-by-bey-deckard-excerpt\/","url_meta":{"origin":1595,"position":2},"title":"Cover Reveal: Kestrel\u2019s Talon by Bey Deckard + Excerpt!","author":"Bey","date":"May 13, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Happy Friday the Thirteenth!Why not mosey on over to The Blogger Girls to see the cover and read an excerpt of my new book, Kestrel's Talon?\u00a0","rel":"","context":"In &quot;My Life&quot;","block_context":{"text":"My Life","link":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/category\/my-life\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1872,"url":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/thank-you-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":1595,"position":3},"title":"Thank you :)","author":"Bey","date":"June 18, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Between the shooting in Orlando (and subsequent idiocy online) and the mayor of Montr\u00e9al calling for a ban on pit bulls... Well, I haven't been in the best mood lately.However, I want to take a moment to thank all my fans. Here's a few messages that have put a smile\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;My Life&quot;","block_context":{"text":"My Life","link":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/category\/my-life\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2163,"url":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/a-quiet-moment-with-talon-grimma-kes-and-pants-art-by-catherine-dair\/","url_meta":{"origin":1595,"position":4},"title":"A quiet moment with Talon, Grimma, Kes, and Pants &#8211; art by Catherine Dair","author":"Bey","date":"September 19, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Just take a look at how gorgeous this is :) I commissioned the very talented Catherine Dair to draw the triad from Kestrel's Talon and it turned out perfect. The print is available in my Redbubble store too :) I ordered myself one to put on my wall.","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Art&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Art","link":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/category\/my-life\/art\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"kestrals-talon-600x900","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/Kestrals-Talon-600x900.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/Kestrals-Talon-600x900.png?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/Kestrals-Talon-600x900.png?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":2369,"url":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/back-to-kindle-unlimited-max-kestrels-talon-caged\/","url_meta":{"origin":1595,"position":5},"title":"Back to Kindle Unlimited&#8230; Max, Kestrel&#8217;s Talon, Caged","author":"Bey","date":"December 18, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"I've been putting books back on Kindle Unlimited for fun. Seems that Amazon may have improved its fraud problem, so I've thrown Max, Kestrel's Talon, and Caged back into the program to see. Click on the covers for the buy links :) \u00a0","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Announcements&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Announcements","link":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/category\/announcements\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/Max-1200-200x300.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1595","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1595"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1595\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1596,"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1595\/revisions\/1596"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1561"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1595"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1595"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beydeckard.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1595"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}